Loved Then Lost Then Loved Again
by iFLYiButterfly
Summary: This story is set in Lily and Severus' sixth year at Hogwarts and entails a lost friendship which may rekindle into something more. It is not advised to read if one has not read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows or if uncomfortable of erotic scenes.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the story of the Harry Potter series. All characters featured in _this_ story appart from Shibelle are the creation and intellectual property of J.K. Rowling.**

Summer was fast approaching but, one wouldn't think so considering the unusual cold weather which seemed to penetrate the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A young man of sixteen was slumped in the arms of a beech tree located on the bank of the Black Lake. His head was embedded in a book and his naturally greasy hair flopped lazily over his face. He was trying to drown out the harsh light of reality by confiding in the only thing that mattered to him these days - Potions. However, to his dismay he was unable to distract himself. While he was surrounded by many of his fellow Slytherins and was currently in a relationship with a very pretty fifth year girl named Shibelle he could not erase thoughts of the only person he truly loved – Lily Evans. His relationship with Shibelle was nothing more than something which passed the time during times of bordem and summer holidays.

A year ago he had been pushed and taunted by none other James Potter and his faithful cronies down by this very tree beside the lake. Unfortunately in his anger toward Potter he proved himself to be a Slytherin by releasing the _M _word upon the one person who counted on for support in these insufferable walls of Hogwarts. He couldn't help but mourn over his beloved's last piercing words to him _"I chose my path and you chose yours. That's all" _What he'd give to turn back time and take back all he had said. However, not even a time turner could erase the guilt from his conscience.

_There was an air of excitement as well as intensity as the fifth year students of Hogwarts were coming to close of their O.W.Ls. The grounds were a healthy green and there was the scent of Jasmine floating about the grounds. The Whomping Willow was in full bloom of fresh new leaves and tiny white flowers with an unattractive odour to warn of the unwelcome. The fifth years released themselves from the great hall and sprawled out into the grounds to stretch their legs before retreating back to another few hours of examination. Three Gryffindor girls giggled themselves down towards the Black Lake. _

"_Ahh thank goodness that's over. Now all we have to do is Transfiguration and we're free of these O.W.Ls," cried Angela stretching her arms out freely._

"_Ahh yes. But, I still can't believe that the O.W.Ls have come so soon. It seems as though yesterday was when I received my letter," said Mary reminiscing on the past._

"_Yeah you right," replied Angela smiling brightly, "What do you think Lily? Have Hogwarts days gone by too quickly?"_

"_Hmm yeah, I think they have" replied Lily distantly but smiling to hide her distracted mind._

_Angela and Mary exchanged looks of apprehension._

"_What's wrong with you?" as Mary._

_Lily smiled and denied anything was wrong. Fortunately the conversation turned quickly with the interruption of two other Gryffindor girls join Lily, Angela and Mary._

"_Hey girls mind if we join?" asked Josie._

_Quickly the girls ventured into gossiping about the Gryffindor hooligans known as James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew._

"_Isn't Remus the cutest with his little books?" she giggled._

"_Oh gosh yes. But, I think Sirius is even cuter," smiled Angela._

"_What about James? Isn't he the most attractive amongst them all? Oh and look he's even cuter right now. Showing off with that snitch." cried out Mary and also nudging Lily who was still preoccupied with her thoughts and didn't notice, "OK girl what is wrong with you today? Why the distant look?" Mary waved her hands over Lily's eyes._

"_What? Oh yeah sure James is cute," she replied covering up her distant look._

_Lily glanced away from the boys on the other side and noticed that Severus was wondering across the grounds towards the lake. Her heart leapt and stood up to go and join him but James and his cronies had got there first. _

"_Hey Snivellus. Alright there?" said James rather loudly to grab the attention of the rest of the third years._

"_Pity James Potter is such a jerk though. Even if it's only that Snape he's taunting, Potter is still a jerk," said Mary disgustedly._

_Potter and his cronies roared with laughter as James yelled "expelliarmus" sending Snape's wand flying from his grasp._

_Lupin peeped from behind his book but, rolled his eyes. He never understood why James' reasoning behind taunting Snape. _

"_Prongs, why don't you just leave him alone. He's not doing anything," said Lupin rather exasperated._

"_Quiet Moony. Go on Prongs. Show Snivellus what he's worth," said Sirius eager to taunt Snape._

_James laughed mockingly and cried out "impedimenta!" which sent Snape hurtling backwards. A crowd of fifth years joined around James and his gang roaring with laughter._

"_Please stop before you regret it Potter," breathed Snape winded._

"_What was that Snivellus? You want more?" scoffed James, "Winggardium Leviosa!"_

_Snape began to rise off the ground above the crowd of laughing students._

"_Shall we see what lies beneath those greasy clothes!" cried James and he moved his wand so that Snape's trousers were around his ankles revealing his pale legs and embarrassing grey underwear. _

_Anger began to storm inside of Lily and she raced over to the large crowd._

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!"_

_James stopped in his tracks and Snape came crashing to the ground, the crowd roared even harder._

"_What's this Snivellus? Got yourself a girlfriend have we?" mocked Sirius who was stopped with a punched in the arm by James._

"_Shut up Potter! I said Leave-him-alone," cried Lily as she went to help Snape up. However, he pushed her away._

"_I never asked for your help. I don't need help from someone like you. Mudblood," sneered Snape._

_Lily took a step back with tears swelling in her eyes. "Well. If that's how you feel. I won't bother you again," she said trying not to cry in front of everyone._

_Snape had a look of disbelieve at what he'd just said and wished he could take it back_

"_Lily. I'm so sorry. God I'm so sorry," he said grovelling, "I didn't mean -"_

"_Didn't mean to call me what I am? A mudblood? You call everyone else of my kind that. I should've known better to think that I was any different!" she said now with tears streaming down her face._

"_Good one Snivellus. You really are a Slytherin aren't you?" said James immaturely_

_Lily turned around to face James with a look of disgust on her face "And you! What did he ever do to you! You think just because you're a pure blood that makes you king? You think you own the school so it's ok for you to hex anyone who is different from you or who annoys you!" _

_The crowd started to break away and Lily turned to walk off quickly._

"_Lily I'd never call you what he did," said James_

"_You know what! I don't care. You're both as bad as each other!" and with that she ran off crying, her friends following after her._

Emerald eyes suddenly appeared with thick strands of dark red hair blocking the view. She woke startled with her faced drenched in what she assumed was perspiration and tears slowly trickling down her cheeks. The Gryffindor common room was empty except for two girls placed at the table embedded in text books for the upcoming exams.

"Lily. Are you alright?" said a voice in the distance.

Lily was wrapped up in the thoughts of what she'd just seen in her sleep. This was the fifth time she'd dreamt about that time by the lake.

"Lily. Are you alright?" said the voice a little more clearly this time.

Lily lifted herself up from the table and wiped her perspired face with the sleeve of her robe. "Yeah. I'm fine." She said smiling wirily.

"It was another dream wasn't it?" said her friend.

Lily nodded trying to fight back tears but evidently failed.

"Oh god. Lily. God, I'm so sorry," said her friend rushing to comfort her.

"It's not your fault," replied Lily through her sobs, "I just wish it would end. It's so frustrating."

"You know what girl? I think we need to have a little girl talk," said her friend.

Lily smiled and nodded in agreement.

"You want to tell me what's happening in your mind?" she asked.

Lily was silent for a moment trying to think of how and where to start.

"Well. I don't really know where to start," she laughed slightly through her tear, "I guess I'm upset and confused about the fact that Severus and I ended so abruptly after so many years. I defended him so frequently for four years and then destroyed it with one little word."

Her friend opposite did not reply but continued to listen intently.

"I actually trusted him and believed that he would _never_ hurt me. I actually thought that he was in love with me. But, you and Mary were right to say those things about him. I should've listen to you two." tears were now streaming down her face again, "That day. After we'd finished all our O.W.Ls I was going to confront him. I think I was falling for him. Snape! Severus Snape! I! ME! Lily Evans! Was falling for Severus," her voice trailed off as his names passed her lips.

Perhaps it was still possible that Lily was still in love with Severus despite the fact that he'd let slip the _M _word and she was now dating James Potter. Was she lying to herself about her feelings for the sake of James and his fiery ego which hadn't surfaced since that day by the lake?

"What am I suppose to do Angela? Is it possible that I actually do love Severus and that James is just a fill in to hide the truth? But, if I start contacting Severus again then it might encourage James to start harassing him again. I really don't know what I should do."

Angela was silent for a moment before speaking, "OK. Well. I think you need to definitely work out who you're in love with first. If you love Severus then that is fine if you love James, then that is fine too. No one will deny you that. I can't tell you if you are in love or not. This is something you need to work out yourself. As for your next step, well, that really depends on what you do with your first step. But, if you really want my opinion, I don't think it's a bad idea that you started contacting Snape again. I know I said that I didn't trust him but, I can see how much you miss him. Also James isn't the prat he use to be. I think after that day by the lake he took one good look at his arrogant reflection in the lake and realised what you meant by _"You're both as bad as each other"_. Somehow I don't think James wants to see you yell at him like that again. But, hey that's my opinion. I could be wrong."

Lily fell silent embracing everything which she'd just been told. A moment later she smiled and wiped away the stray tears on her face and hugged Angela.

Lily and friends entered to great hall for dinner and located themselves with James and his friends. James greeted Lily with a slight kiss on her cheek and smiled. It was remarkable how much James had matured over the passed year. He had grown to his full hight and his features finally settled. James Potter had finally grown tired of taunting Severus Snape but, he did not apologise for his behaviour instead he refused to acknowledge Snape's existence. However, while James may have grown tired of taunting, Sirius had not. Whenever he received the opportunity Sirius would strike but, somehow this opportunity would end abruptly by James. His fiery ego had obviously been drenched by Lily Evans when she exclaimed that Snape and Potter were one in the same. It wasn't until the winter of their sixth year had James and Lily announced their love for each other.

"You alright Lily?" asked James concerned.

Lily smiled and nodded to avoid the truth. She glanced over at the Slytherin table and saw Snape with his back to her. She analysed his figure and noticed how much thinner and taller he'd grown. He was surrounded by many of his Slytherin peers and seemed to be enjoying himself. Although it appeared that Severus had clearly moved on she could feel he was suffering but, how could she change that now? Not after he'd called her mudblood. Lily wanted to trust Severus again, she missed him a lot. James was a good person and she could talk to him but only during the times of physical contact which usually involved Lily talking most of the time and James having fun digging into her chest. Lily thought back to the times when she and Severus would sit down by the lake talking about anything and during the summers they would communicate by owl late into the evening. A smiled crept over Lily's face as her thoughts ventured deeper.

"Lily what are you smiling about?" asked Sirius puzzled, "since when was death such an amusing topic?"

Lily was wide eyed, "Oh sorry. I wasn't listening. I was in my own little world."

Angela looked up from her plate staring at Lily with concern. Sirius frowned, shook his head and went back to talking. Lily sat there quietly trying not to fall into little day dreams as it would cause her to reveal herself. Dinner came to a closing and the Gryffindor group ventured back to the common room to study. Lily was relieved to escape to her books rather than trying to fit into a conversation without a distant look upon her face.

The dungeons seemed colder and darker with the turbulent weather surfacing. The Slytherin common room was deserted except for one young greasy haired man sprawled over the black leather couch musing himself in thoughts of the past. Suddenly he was interrupted when Shibelle came to lay with him.

"Shouldn't you be studying for your O.W.Ls?" he asked smiling

"Honesry Sevu is tat all you ever tink abou?" replied Shibelle moving closer to him, "Besides. I'm so very bored of studying.

"What will your parents think if they find out their only daughter is here fooling around instead of achieving good grades?" pushed Snape but clearly having no trouble avoiding Shibelle's intentions.

Shibelle smiled "Ten tey shouldn't have sent me away from Japan," now caressing his neck with her lips, "I'm crever anyway and I rill pass. I am onry here to rearn Engrish."

Severus smiled and admired how cute she was when she spoke English and moved to caress her tenderly with his soft fingertips. Lily was now far from his mind.

"And your _Engrish_ is getting better," he said mocking her

Shibelle smiled and narrowed her eyes, "are you mocking me? You will have to be punished for tat."

Shibelle started to move her hands slowly down Snape's chest which made his nerves jump around hysterically and a smile of pleasure creep across his face. Snape stared into Shibelle's chocolate eyes and brushed his slender fingers through her rich dark long hair gently. She in turn began to unbutton his shirt to reveal his pale chest and caressed it with her lips which caused Snape to moan slightly.

"Oh Shibelle, you really know how to pleasure a man," said Severus

Shibelle smiled, "pity you don't know how to pleasure a woman."

Snape felt his heart sink a little but then moved his hands towards Shibelle's breasts and began to fiddle with them slightly. A smile of pleasure crept over Shibelle's face.

"Perhaps, you do know how to," she said smiling in ecstasy.

"Having _fun_ there!? Why don't you two go and use a private room instead of the common room for your love making sessions?" sneered a voice from behind

Shibelle and Severus suddenly sat bolt upright and turned towards the voice. It was Mulciber.

Shibelle narrowed her eyes angrily "Mulciber. Jus because Narcissa dumped you doesn mean you can destroy oter's fun. Besides it was obvious tat Narcissa was in rove wit Rucius, and she was too old for you"

"Ha! Why don't you go back to that hole you came from? You know Snape here doesn't really love you or cares for that matter. He's still in love with that Gryffindor mudblood," sneered Mulciber.

Snape jumped over the back of the couch and rushed quickly to Mulciber digging his wand into his jaw tightly, "Shut up. Don't-you-_dare_-talk-about-Lily-like-that-again," he said harshly, "If I ever hear that word pass you lips, I'll make sure you'll never hear the end of it."

Mulciber smirked menacingly, "So what made you say it to Evans then? Hypocrite."

The air became tense. Snape continued to dig his wand into Mulciber's jaw and stared into his eyes angrily then Mulciber turned to leave towards the boys dormitories. Snape walked back over to the couch without staring at Shibelle. He dug his nails into the leather couch trying to release some anger from his system. Shibelle moved closer to embrace him but. He pushed away from her. He'd had enough for the night and turned to leave for the boys dormitories but was stopped when Shibelle's voice sounded.

"I am not stupid. I know you still rove riri. Our rerationship is only for fun to pass teh time when we are bored right?"

Snape didn't reply but continued in his tracks. Shibelle sat down angrily on the couch thinking about what had just happened but then fell asleep on the couch.

Snape woke late the next morning feeling very heavy and restless from the night before. Realising just how late it was he rushed out of bed as quickly as possible and went to his first class without any breakfast. He trudged into the dungeon classroom which had already begun.

"You're late Mr Snape. That's ten points from Slytherin," said Professor Slughorn rather reluctant.

Snape nodded and located his seat at the front of the classroom. Macniar was eying him and smirking to his loyal friends beside him.

"Mulciber and company if would please settle down so we can begin," said Slughorn walking about the room handing out papers, "Oho everyone, I would like to revise for the upcoming potions exam. Remember you have practical as well as written potions exams. But, for today I have a surprise thirty minute quiz."

Silence fell over the room as everyone began scribbling their answers for the net thirty minutes.

"Ok that's thirty minutes, everyone quills down and remain seated whilst I collect your papers. You may talk amongst yourselves quietly," said Slughorn breaking the silence and walking around to collect the papers.

"Psst. Snape! Snape!" whispered Mulciber.

Snape turned around irritated and mouthed "What!"

"How's that pathetic fifth year you call a girlfriend going? She's a half-blood isn't she? At least she's not an M-"

"Shut up!" yelled Snape which startled the entire class, "What's it to you if she's a half-blood! And I told you _don't_ use_that_ word. "

Mulciber's smirk grew wider as he glanced in Lily Evans' direction, "that didn't stop you using it on _that_ one over_there._"

Snape's temper began rising, "I said shut up. What would you know? It's nothing to do with you. You pure-bloods know nothing!"

"You _are_ a pure-blood Snape," retorted Mulciber then smirked, "idiot. He can't work out his own blood type."

"Ahh. Ok. Mulciber. Snape. Please be seated. We don't want a duelling match to occur. Best to save it for Defence against the Dark Arts," said Slughorn nervously.

Snape retreated to his seat and faced the front for the rest of lesson. Not daring to look at anyone, especially Lily. The sound for the next period rang and the class forwarded.

Lily raced ahead of her friends trying to escape from what she'd seen back in potions. Her face was turning redder by the minute the more she thought about what Snape had said. Lily ran into the second floor girl's bathroom ignoring the fact that Moaning Myrtle would likely scream at her for being in there. She burst open the door and ran to the sink, placed her hands on the side of basin with immense pressure and broke into tears. She screamed at herself internally and asked herself why she was feeling this way. Moaning Myrtle emerged from her cubical to see who was crying in her bathroom and slowly glided towards Lily.

"What's wrong with you?" she said in a childish tone.

Lily turned to face an opaque figure with glasses, Hogwarts robes and pig tail hair style, floating about the bathroom lazily. Lily turned away not wanting to indulge in conversation with an ignorant ghost. Myrtle on the other hand continued floating about aimlessly and smiling down at Lily as if receiving pleasure at the sight of her pain.

"Let me guess. You're crying about that _stupid_ boyfriend of yours James Potter," she said smiling, "I saw him in here the other day with another girl. He seemed very tangled up. Luckily I was there to interrupt and screamed at him to _go away_."

Lily froze for one moment.

"Oh. Have I said too much?"

"Shut up! _Shut up!_ What do you know? James wouldn't ever cheat on me! You're just a ghost! You know nothing!" shouted Lily through her tears.

Anger started to boil up in Myrtle but then a smile crept across her face, "I was only joking. Why would James ever come in here?"

Lily's eyes narrowed. She felt like lashing out on Myrtle physically but, it was useless.

"For a ghost, you're a real nasty piece of work," said Lily washing her face and drying with the sleeve of her robe, "I'm late for my next class. Sorry to have bothered you," and she turned to leave leaving Myrtle cackling with laughter.

Lily ran along the corridor towards Defence against the Dark Arts worried that James would notice that she'd be crying. She opened the door with a creak and the class fell silent as she entered.

"So nice of you to join us Miss Evans," said professor Bellear, "Please take your seat and do not make a habit of being late to my classes again. Ten points from Gryffindor."

Lily's face reddened as she sat down next to Mary Macdonald one of her closest friends. James turned around and glanced at Lily who'd face was the colour of a tomato and her emerald eyes glistening. Lily felt James' eyes on her and couldn't help but look back. He mouthed what was wrong but then was abruptly interrupted.

"Mr Potter, could you be so kind as to educate the class about Miss Evans and yourself?" said professor Bellear.

James fell silent and shook his head.

"Good. Then I suggest in future you keep your eyes to the front and pay attention."

While professor Bellear continued to engross the class with ways to conjure defence spells without having to actually speak it, Lily zoned out trying to sort out her feelings. The bell sounded for the end of the lesson and the class forwarded out quickly.

"Lily, are you alright? You rushed off pretty quickly after potions this morning," asked Mary looking at her with concern.

"Ahh she's probably stressed about the upcoming exams. Right Lily?" said James joining the two girls walking.

Lily smiled and nodded then James wrapped his arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

"It's alright. It'll be over shortly. Then its summer holidays," said James smiling.

The day passed by rather quickly rather quickly with Lily zoning out constantly through her lessons that she repeatedly asked her friends what happened in each of the classes. After many hours of studying intently Lily retreated for sleep.

Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry woke to an overcast and unseasonably cold morning. The song birds called to the east asking the sun to come out to embrace the day with the gift of light. Lily lay awake on her bed swimming with her conscience. She finally grew sick of lying aimless trying to sleep some more and dressed silently talking care not to wake the other girls and walked out into the grounds down towards the lake shielding herself from the light rain with an umbrella. She was lucky enough to have a few spare periods this morning and woke early enough to have the privilege of escaping for a few hours of solitude. She arrived at the tree and sat down on the lightly drenched grass at the base of the large tree on the bank of the lake. She gazed at the misty grounds, absorbing its beauty and listening to early morning finches darting in all directions across the surface of the lake. Lily lent back against the tree and slipped into small doze but, shortly woke to a silver doe jumping backwards and forwards over her out stretched legs. The doe moved closer to Lily's face and brushed its cheek against her's.

"You'll catch a cold if you sleep out here in this weather," said a familiar voice from behind.

Lily's eyes darted in the direction of the voice and widened at once.

A young man emerged from the side of the tree in clear view of Lily holding his wand delicately pointed at the doe. The young man gave the wand a quick flick and the doe retreated back into the wand. He smiled and said, "Good morning to you too."

Lily's body froze at once and her words were stuck in her throat unable to move. The young man continued to gaze down at Lily smiling with his unusually clean hair draped over his face and long dark robes covering most of his body except for his pale face and hands.

"Sev-erus?" she whispered.

Snape nodded and moved to join Lily on the ground at the base of the tree. Lily's body was still frozen and her words still refused to surface to her lips. The two sat side by side at the foot of the tree without saying a word and embraced the atmosphere around them.

"It's been a while, hasn't it Sev-erus," said Lily finally catching her words and breaking the ice.

Snape was quiet for a moment then faced Lily and nodded, "yes. It has been."

Then silence fell for a further moment.

"I," he began, "I don't blame you for hating me. I treated you incredibly inhumanely and took our friendship, I took _you_ fore-granted. I was so obsessed with what James and his friends were doing every month that, that's all I considered important and as a result, I lost the one person cared about me and that I cared about very much."

Lily continued to be silent trying to absorb everything which she'd just heard. After a moment she spoke, "I. I don't hate you Severus," this time able to say his name completely, "I just _hate_ that _you_ called me that and that you refer to _everyone_ of my birth by _that_ word. It's horrible hearing it from a pure-blood but, its worse hearing it from a half-blood especially, when that half-blood is supposed to be a friend."

Guilt crept over Snape's conscience and heat started to rise in his face but, he completely agreed with her, "I'm such a fool Lily. I really am such a foolish Slytherin. I-"

Lily's lips locked with Snape's. She couldn't stop herself and pressed her lips harder against Snape's. Her hands moved up along his neck and then clasped his cheeks slightly caressing with her thumb. Snape felt a slight chill make its way down his spine and caused him to push forward onto Lily. Snape slid his slender warm fingers through Lily's soft thick red hair and caressed her neck gently with the tip of his thumb, falling further into her kiss.

"Do you love me? Or did love me?" said Lily as she pulled away slowly.

Snape almost didn't hear her as she was too busy fumbling over what had just happened, "Oh-"

"I'm sorry," she interjected.

"No. Don't be. It's ok. Honest," he began choosing his words carefully, "Ah well. Yes. I do. I love you Lily. I have since we were kids."

Lily lost her words again and stared into Snape's deep black eyes with tears beginning to form in her emerald ones and roll down her cheeks. Snape reached out and gently clasped the side of her face and pulled her into his chest. Lily rested her heavy body on his and listened to the soft inhalation and exhalation of his lungs whilst she wept. Snape wrapped his arms around her and embraced her. The two, lay in each other's embrace drinking in the atmosphere and listening to birds singing peacefully.

10


End file.
